I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
