party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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