I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
