my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
