Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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