My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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