I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
