First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
