she woke up with a sticky ear
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize