Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
