Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
