my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
