We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
