Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
