had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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