There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
