I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
