If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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