Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
