That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize