at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize