i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
