I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
