We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I am in a vortex of obligation.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
