At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
