What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Four minutes until I can fart!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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