You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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