Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
