This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
