3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
