you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
