what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
