don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
