Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Every concussion has its silver lining
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
