she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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