Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
