Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize