I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
