how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
