Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I FOUND THE LEGS
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
