If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
