I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
