come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
