i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize