I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
worst night to have a conscience
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
