watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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