hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
