i would punch a child for taco bell
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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