Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
