tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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