Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
