Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
