for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize