i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Randomize
