using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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