So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
"it" just moved
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
