Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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