i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize