and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Randomize
