Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
