i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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