i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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