Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
