his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize