We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
