Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
