dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize