Even water is tasting like jack daniels
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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