3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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