I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
