Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
