the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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