i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
