ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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