Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
