you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
