Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm getting married
To pizza
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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