Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
