sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
