I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize