she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
