I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
