I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
