a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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