This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
