we're chasing vodka with high fives
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
