Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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