I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize