every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
BRING THE BAGELS
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
