i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
