But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
