Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
