I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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