Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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