HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
