why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
