OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
