There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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