how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
