I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize