Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
