if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
