Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
